One of the common myths is that when a child reaches the age of 12 or 14, the child decides which parent that he or she will live with. This is not true!

In several states such as New Mexico, there is a law that says that when a child reaches the age of 14, a judge shall consider the child's desires in custody cases, however, such laws don't say that the judge is automatically going to do what the child wants.

Just like a child who wants a puppy or a pony for their birthday, there's a world of difference between considering a child's wishes, and granting them.

In reality, family law judges who make child custody decisions actually "consider" the desires of children who are much younger than 14. A child's desires, however, are only one of many factors considered by a judge.

Why won't a judge automatically grant a child's wishes?

There are many valid reasons why a judge won't automatically grant a child's wishes about child custody, here's a few examples:

• Children often want to live with the parent who offers them inappropriate benefits such as no curfew, few rules, or a new car.
• Children will often choose to live with the parent who is needy, thereby placing the child in a parenting role, which isn't emotionally healthy. Parents take care of children, not vice versa.
• Children will choose to live with a parent they barely know because they have a fantasy of how wonderful it will be, but that fantasy rarely becomes a reality.
• Children sometimes choose to live with the parent with more money. When a court approves such a decision, it's only fostering materialism. The law promotes directing the money towards the children, not sending the children to live where there's the most money.

When it comes to making custody decisions, judges consider both the parents' wishes and the children's wishes; 14-year-olds are not the ones that make custody decisions!